


Pixel Boy

by dunneltag879



Category: Red Robin (Comics), Superboy (Comics)
Genre: M/M, Poor Tim Drake, Simulation, Tim needs a hug, Timkon, Why does he like unhealthy coping mechanisms so much??, tim misses kon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:34:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27340549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dunneltag879/pseuds/dunneltag879
Summary: He did lose him. Superboy died nearly a year ago and he hasn’t came back till now. Tim knew something felt off, that none of this was right. The blue sky tended to glitch around them, and he was pretty short the original spot they had settled in was the field, but Tim refused to look far enough into it. He held on to Kon instead. This was better, this was safer.OrJust as Tim attempted cloning his beloved superboy, he creates his own simulation with the intend of being with best friend and greatest love for as ever long as he pleases.
Relationships: Tim Drake/Kon-El | Conner Kent
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	1. Simulation to Stimulate Sadness

There was some sort of light above them. It casted shadows under their noses and Tim’s long feminine lashes. The sun? Possibly.  _Hopefully_. Or, maybe not. Maybe it was some sort of evil force with ill intent for the two. Even if it was vein, he didn’t care. Not one bit. 

Conner was here now, holding him. He held him in the luscious grass that always itched when it tickled his skin and caused him to sniffle all the next day. He’d sneezed twice already and probably should have gotten up ages ago, but the kryptonian seemed to be able to keep him there without so much as touching him.

“Mhm, I know that look,” Kon grinned, and _oh_ _ god _ that smile, he was a fucking angel. “Want to share what’s got you so deep in thought wonder boy?” His voice was raspy, sleepy even, yet to that Tim melted further. He slipped his way into Kon’s lap comfortably as they sat pressed up against the old barn. The walls broken and splintered, red paint properly poisonous and chipping terribly, yet it seemed to be the preferred spot to relax. 

Tim rolled his eyes in a playful manner, though he tilted his head up to stare at Kon, he even tangled his fingers tight in the inky curls. “Just that, I like this,” Tim responded quietly, his eyes becoming preoccupied with what his fingers were doing as well. 

“You like this?” Kon chuckled, raising his eyebrow. Tim hummed a soft agreement as he felt large hands slip up his waist. “Care to be more specific?” 

Tim looked in his eyes now, bringing one hand down to cup his cheek. Leaning in slightly, he bowed enough to brush their lips together for a split second before detaching. “As in being here with you. I missed this, I missed  you.  I missed your touch, I missed your laugh, I missed your dumb jokes and your little rants and your cockiness and your smile, god I miss your charm,” Tim sighed, looking away now. He sighed, Kon tilted his head back to rest on the barn. 

“Fuck, Rob. You didn’t lose me. You didn’t lose that either,  _ any _ , of that.” Tim could hear a sigh escape his lips, if he would come any closer he could practically feel the hot breath on his cheek. 

He did lose him. Superboy died nearly a year ago and he hasn’t came back till now. Tim knew something felt off, that none of this was right. The blue sky tended to glitch around them, and he was pretty sure the original spot they had settled in was in the field, but Tim refused to look far enough into it. He held on to Kon instead. This was better, this was  _ safer _ . 

Tim kissed him, kissed him because he didn’t want to fucking talk he just wanted to be held. With Conner, he felt completed. Obviously this was something he wouldn’t so easily let go of. 

When he had pulled away though, tears flooded his vision and overflowed down his cheeks. He just sat there, emotionlessly you could say, that was if he wasn’t crying his eyes out. 

“Tim? Fuck. It’s okay, seriously. You didn’t lose me, I promise,” Kon pleaded, holding his darling so very close now. “What can I do? What can I do to make it better? Tim? Bud? C’mon just tell me what I can do.” 

~~ It all felt so  wrong. This wasn’t Kon. This wasn’t him. This wasn’t real. This was selfish. This was fake. It was all  fucking fake.  ~~

“Can you just talk to me, please? Just, say whatever. My mind is too loud,” Tim requested, he watch Kon nod, and felt the pressure of his cracked lips on his cheek before starting. Tim closed his eyes. He could even make out the hushed whisper saying  _ ‘of course’ . _

“Hm, you know it seems like I can just about talk my head off unprovoked but when I have to, I’m just drawing blanks.” That earned a laugh. When Tim finally opened his eyes, he saw the blue sky again, only he was laying down. 

“You know, one time I sunk a tractor?” Kon was already babbling off in the background, Tim’s mind seeming to muffle his voice to focus. He was on his back, Kon holding his head in his lap as he brushed fingers though overgrown locks. They laid still in the grass, but now had small strawberry bushes around them, the red berry rather hard to deceive.

~~ This was selfish and all. Fucking. Fake.  ~~

He’d always picture them in strawberry fields, lights low and the garden flourishing around them. It almost felt nostalgic.

“We moved,” Tim pointed out duly, doll eyes gazing up at Kon in a daze. Kon continued to brush Tim’s soft strands, looking around on his own. 

“Yeah. We sure did. A malfunction?” He muttered, Tilting his head to stare down at Tim. His ttk seemed to be present as well, Tim found himself shuddering as the imaginary compression of hands snaked down his body and scrapped against his collarbones. 

“I suppose so,” he sighed, just about done with the world glitching in and out so eager and often. 

Kon seemed more optimistic than him,  per usual . He smiled and slowly pulled Tim back up to sit on his lap. “Well, nothing you can’t fix, right? After all, you are quite the Einstein,” 

It wasn’t so sad anymore, the glitches. After all, who could stay upset with Kon smiling so charmingly back at you? It was the type of smile that was severely contagious, even for an emotionless bat like Tim. So naturally his lips twisted upwards. 

“There is it, that famous Timothy Drake smile,” the kryptonian teased, to which Tim huffed and rolled his eyes. 

“Zip it,” Tim hissed, pulling his  boy friend in for a kiss. It was all too familiar, lips pressed together softly with some sort of rhythm going. Kon’s hands holding him steady at the hips and Tim’s bringing him closer with his fingers intertwined with untamed curls. 

It was only when he felt hands slip up his back did it get interesting, and soon enough Kon’s lips were instead trailing kisses past his jaw and down his neck. Soft sounds escaped Tim’s heavy breath as his hands fell down to Kon’s chest. 

Then there was thud. He had fallen to the  grass concrete

“No,” Tim breathed. He was lying on his side now, looking up at the room around him, as blank as can be. 

“God damn it,” he spat and stood up slowly. The room was but an open space with a concrete floor and a boxy projector above, along with a control booth off to the side. 

“I wasn’t ready yet!” The robin screamed at the projector, he’d probably kick it if it were close enough. His chest felt heavy, hot and over emotional. It was fake but it still hurt. He lost Kon. He wasn’t able to decide when he wanted to leave before the system shut down itself. That’s what happens when you stay in a system for almost forty-eight hours. It was fried. Overworked, just as Tim was. Now he had no choice but to let the system to rest.

Tim almost forgot he was in there. The glitching was scary and odd at first, like the world was truly collapsing. Who knew pixels could create so much? That they could even feel  so real? _That they could touch him back?_

As expected, the device failed to respond. So, instead he made his way to the control booth and hunched himself over the computer, eyes scaling the screen. The computer read and detected a good 345 bugs and small viruses, along with the requirement of two more terabytes, otherwise simulation Kon may appear without a head next time. 

“That explains the teleportation,” Tim sighed, he’d have a good week’s worth of work ahead of him before he’d be able to see his clone boy friend again. 

He’d get to work immediately. 


	2. Cold and Lonely Mechanical Nights

The next week flew by like it never even happened. Tim’s days were filled with training, going on missions, Wayne enterprises work, and fixing his simulation. It wasn’t exactly hard, all purely coding skills in multiple languages and connecting new wires. Missions and cases were nothing too chaotic either. So, his days did seem to get away from him, but his nights didn’t. No, instead it was rather quite the opposite. Tim found himself awake with an extra inability to sleep, and the most excruciating restlessness. 

It was the kind of restlessness you felt as a kid the night before Christmas, unable to sleep because all you could think about were your presents the next day. Unfortunately for Tim, he had no presents, nothing to look forward to. 

During the day he completed all his work. He worked and he trained and he socialized, then come night time he couldn’t sleep. Naturally, with all that could be completed done, there was nothing to distract himself with.

So, naturally he was left alone with his thoughts. His thoughts of death. The death of his father, Bart, Bruce, Steph, Kon. Honestly, the only thing holding him back from being an addition to that list was Cassie and the fact that he didn’t want to put her through as much grief as he had been.

His head was screaming. Who knew a once spoiled, rich and innocent Gotham boy would become so engulfed in grief and lamentation. Who knew little Timothy Jackson Drake asking Batman to be his new Robin would push him into misery even just years later. Maybe this was Batman’s fault. Or maybe it was a certain little boy’s, the one who weld an expensive camera and a natural ability to hide and stalk.

****

One night in particular, maybe a Wednesday or Thursday, Tim found himself sitting on the couch in the Titan’s living room. He was surrounded by complete darkness other than the light that illuminated off his laptop. He was tired, eyes heavier than usual and body seeming a bit more frail. He had been a train wreck the past few days according to long glances and concern comments from his teammates. 

Tonight was yet another restless night. The robin found himself unable to sleep and with no other work to complete. His mind was yet again an antagonizing void, reminding him of his failures, sorrows and overall anger with the world. 

He’d tried everything too, reading, puzzles, checking for more work, looking into old pictures, he even conjured up enough strength and courage to look at old pictures of him and Kon, or ones of him and Bart, but just as expected, that only ended with more tears and ultimately increased alertness. 

His eyes were primarily dry now, his shoulders hunched. It was as if gravity weighed down heavier at night. Maybe it was the eye bags, or the lack of ability to see the brightly lit screen and the little numbers and symbols on the solitaire cards. 

“Tim?” A hushed voice whispered in the dark.

Tim sat up straighter then, not needing to turn but only to hope his face didn’t still hold puffy eyes and rosy cheeks—the remanence of bittersweet tears. He could heard footsteps approaching, and not once did he take his eyes off the screen to check to see who it was, after all he could detect her from a mile away. 

“Hm?” Tim hummed, met with the sinking of the cushion beside him. She could have his attention now, so he turned to look. 

“Why are you up?” Cassie interrogated. She had her eyebrow lifted in the way she had since they were teenagers, when they were not just a duo but a whole team, all silly and irresponsible kids. They had fun. 

She made him feel safe, wanted even. He was up because his head wouldn’t shut the fuck up. His mind was loud, as if filled with choirs. Only, the choirs weren’t so heavenly, and they seemed to refuse to stop singing till he was dead, it was rather brutal. Tim wanted to tell her he was awake because he couldn’t help but conjure up all the ways he could have saved Bart, or that he should have appreciated Steph more, or maybe that he should have confessed his love his Kon before he too, passed on. 

He couldn’t though, he wouldn’t do that again. Not to himself, and especially not to Cassie.

“Ah, you know better than to ask that,” was all he said and turned back to the screen. He could hear Cassie huff, and soon a chill ran down his spine as she carefully netted her fingers on his scalp to brush out any new knots. 

Tim shut the laptop then. Cassie seemed to understand as well because soon he was well eloped in her arms, the Robin’s head placed carefully on her stomach. He was lighter and seeming significantly smaller than usual. 

“Seriously, Tim. I mean, you’ve been overworking yourself lately even for your standards, what’s going on?” 

“Cassie, really I’m alright. I just, I guess you could say I have a lot on my mind? It’s nothing really, just the usual, and I just haven’t been able to sleep,” she wouldn’t buy it, of course she wouldn’t. Either way, holding Tim seemed to be enough for her because Cassie proceeded to pull him closer and kiss his forehead, all in a protective like manner. 

It wasn’t till now that Tim realized he hadn’t been touched by anyone in agesbesides a lifeless simulation. It was extraordinary. All too passionate and overdone, as if all those feelings granted him a mix of emotions both romantic and platonic. 

Cassie ran slim fingers through his unkept hair, her overgrown nails softly scraping along his scalp, sending chills down his spine. 

“I miss him too, you know,” her words stung. She definitely never meant it as so but it was more of a realization to Tim that he was being selfish. He seemed to have it in his head he was the only one suffering, the only one missing Kon, the only one  longing for him. 

After all, if Kon so magically came back there’d only be one of them he’d give a kiss hello to: Cassie. Tim would be left with a pat on the back or a small hug if lucky. 

“I know...I know you do, Cass, I just...”  that,  he’d have to ponder over. There wasn’t much of an excuse...at least not one which he’d allow himself to tell her. Cassie got her chance with him. She told Kon she liked him, that she was in love with him and he liked her back. Tim didn’t even get the chance to work up the nerve to think of them two like that, let alone even hold his hand, “I don’t know. I’m sorry, I’ve been selfish. I know you’re hurting too, I’m sorry I’ve ignored that.” 

Cassie was drawing nearly invisible feeling shapes in his hair now: a circle, a square, maybe a triangle, or a rhombus? “Tim, it’s okay. I’m not upset with you, I’m not saying your selfish, I’d never say that. I just want you to know that I’m here. You act like you’re the only one who could understand. We’re all here for you  Tim.  You can open up to us, all of us.”

Great. He didn’t come out here for a fucking therapy session. Tim figured if he had wanted to cry he may as well have stayed in his room. Why was he suddenly so angry? He’d like to open up, and he had before, to Bart. Bart was dead now though, and it wasn’t exactly the easiest thing to confess your love for a dead boy to his girlfriend. He couldn’t just stand up and walk away either, Cassie would only further see him a jerk that way. So, he’d weigh his options. 

“Cassie, I,” he started, siting up to further face her. He could make out not much more than her blonde curls and electric blues. He couldn’t do it, “I just miss my best friend.” 

*****

The generator buzzed. It bounced deep sounds off the walls of the open space, the space that seemed to gather green light from the cloning lab and the large computer. 

The boy who stood in the middle of it all, who stood staring almost unconsciously, had recently awoken from his two hour slumber. It was a good nights rest. When he had been younger, a mere year one Robin, Tim began to chart how many hours of sleep he got each night, along with how it gradually effected the body. He found himself to be incredibly more tired than usual the first week, nearly passing out on patrol and actually doing so in school. However after a month, he developed regular eye bags, short term memory loss and a thirst for coffee along with cleaver makeup skills. Of course, forgetting to log in for and hours accompanied the lack of sleep. So, evidently Tim would never truly be able to dissect the way sleeplessness altered him. 

Wires connected like legos, nothing a bit of electrical tape and quick reflexes couldn’t complete. Emotional and physical fatigue would have to try harder than that to stop him from seeing his artificial clone boy again,  a lot  harder. 

Kon would be here soon, once millions of pixels gathers and connected to finally bring life to his blue eyes, shaggy hair and “S” shield shirt. Tim felt as if he was losing his mind without him. sleep deprivation was one thing, sure, but he felt just as lost and incomplete during the day, even when surrounded by countless friends. 

****

“Hey sunshine,” 

Tim’s heart raced. The simulation was loaded, and the sound of his voice was so clear and accurate it nearly  hurt to hear it again. 

“ Conner! ” He gasped, running up to his best friend who gladly consumed the smaller boy in a tight hug. 

“Aw, c’mon now wonder boy, it was only a few days, couldn’t’ve missed me  _ that _ much,” Kon chuckled, ruffling Tim’s untamed hair. 

Tim shook his head. It was a hard concept there, trying to explain how much he did indeed miss Kon. How does one describe the longing? The  yearning  to see the one you love the absolute most again. Instead, he simply said, “no, I missed you  so much,” and maybe it was his glossy eyes or pleading tone—but that seemed to be enough for Kon. 

They were in Tim’s old apartment now, the sun unapparent and the windows half open to let in a chilling breeze. This was where he wished he kissed Kon years ago, hanging out on the couch, laughing, talking and playing video games all night. They ate unhealthily till their stomachs felt heavy and played till their thumbs felt sore and cramped. It was like how they used to hang out when they were younger. That night was a time for the most blissful nostalgia, they’d listen to nirvana, the clash and the smiths, and just  _ talk _ . _God_ , that was Tim’s favorite part, just listening to all Kon had to say, all he was feeling and thinking, and for once not gushing over some girl. He remembered once Kon started crying, the most shocking scene Tim had ever witnessed. When he did, though, Tim was right there to comfort him, holding him and laughing with him, telling him how amazing he was and reassuring him that he didn’t need to be the Superman to be great, that he was already perfect in his eyes. 

He had looked so gorgeous in the moonlight though, the way a blinding shine reflected off his cheeks and the tip of his Cupid’s bow. Tim would be the biggest liar if he said he hadn’t contemplatedkissing Kon right then and there. 

He hadn’t though. Now, he was all alone, stuck instead with a fake counterpart. 

“Rob? Where’d you go?” Kon was smiling a big idiot smile, the kind of smile that made you want to fall to your knees and pull out a ring, just to see such a happy grin a little longer and a little wider. 

“Sorry...just thinking,” Tim pushed passed the kryptonian slightly, making his way to the tall windows that reached nearly to the ceiling. The couch sat behind him, a coffee table in front of it. The cushions were sure to be stiff and unforgiving now.

“About what?” Tim could imagine the way Kon’s nose crinkled with concern as he spoke, always so unsurprisingly interesting. 

They stared down to the streets, to the people living about their daily lives. It all felt  so incredibly real. Tim pressed a hand to the window, taking a last few glances at old cars and their matching souls before transferring his attention back to the charming boy. 

“The past,” he stated simply. They seemed to come to an understanding too, because soon Kon smiled and planted a firm kiss on his forehead that felt so incredibly eldritch. 

*****

“Tim?” 

“Kon?”

“I think you need to let go,” 

It had been three hours. The two boys laid side by side, the nights and all it’s inhabitants spread out all on display. It was urban Jersey, yet with the artificial magic of 1’s and 0’s, Tim managed to recreate Kansas night stars and plaster them on nighttime Jersey skies. 

The time had passed by like minutes, seconds even. These were the best, too. The nights where they’d just talk, deep and heavily connected. Those nights felt significantly less lonely than the many others. 

“Let go? What ever do you mean?” Tim gazed duly, tilting his head slightly to catch a glimpse of concentrated eyes and a defined frown.He wasn’t quite clearly in the mood for sarcasm. 

“You know what I mean,” Kon sighed, sitting up then. He looked down at Tim, scrapping his fingers across his skull, “I think you need to let this go, all of this. Us,  me. ” 

The smaller boy had never snapped up faster, his eyes once holding the beautiful stars now containing tart tasting bitter feelings. “Why are you saying this?  How are you saying this?” Tim processed it all, he hadn’t created some self help service...though he  had programmed him kind and caring. “ Fuck ,” he groaned, throwing his head back only moments after he sat up to face Kon. 

“ Tim ,” Kon reached a hand out, gliding his palm along Tim’s cheek. He seemed to allow the gesture as well, too, because soon Kon was inching forward to get a closer look and press his body up against his own. 

Kon was strong. Kon was safe.  ~~ Kon wasn’t real ~~ . So why was he crying?

Still, he felt a firm thumb smear the little water droplets that escaped his eye. It was calming yet sad all over, all at the same time.

This felt all too familiar, from the burning hole in his stomach, to the teeth that bit his lips closed to prevent a good amount of hyperventilating. Nothing quite beat the depressing feeling like getting manic did, that’s for sure. 

“Just stop fighting,” Kon’s brittled voice tore him from his thoughts. Tim grimaced. “I mean, look at you! Tim are you even taking care of yourself anymore? When was the last time you had a proper meal? Or drank something other than coffee? When was the last time you got a good nights sleep?” 

Tim shook his head to the many concerning questions. Why would he answer them?  Any  of them? Either way, he knew he just as much as he couldn’t stomach answering them, Kon couldn’t quite stomach hearing them. “I’m done with the pity,” was all he stated, eyes cleared of all wetness. 

Tim stood up, feeling rather dizzy at first. Probably stood up too fast. He let the wind hit his face head on out here, out in the darkest blue sky he’d ever seen but not the coldest windchill he’d ever felt. 

“Thanks for caring, really, it’s just—” Tim paused, staring down the building, the streets below him were no where near empty and this seemed to be the first time he realized how much more herself Gotham felt during the nighttime.

“Everyone has been babying and pitying you for years, this past one especially, and you’re sick of constantly being reminded of everyone’s remorse for you?” 

“Yeah...yeah. Actually. How did you know that?”

  
“Well I’m obviously no mind reader, but you seemed to have poured every ounce of your emotions into all this...so, here we are.” 

“Right. Program,” Tim repeated the words rather slowly, as if attempting to educate himself on the manner. 

“Well, don’t let you discourage you much. I think it’s great, look at all you can create. It’s actually very beautiful,” Kon had an arm around his waist now, holding him from behind. Tim seemed to give in, too, because he leaned further into Kon’s touch. He touched the side of his muscular arm, feeling ghostly calm. 

Maybe it was all beautiful, maybe it was what he could consider an accomplishment, this type of tech. After all, it’d never been done so smoothly before, holographs with full on emotions and surroundings with a sort of false but very realistic denseness. 

“Clone boy?” Tim asked, turning around in his arms slowly. He studied the closeness between them, wondering how much different this would feel with the real Kon, how his breath would glide down his neck or the real way his eyes would trail. 

“Yeah, Rob?” 

“I’m a fool,” he stated, a grin twisting his mouth as he leaned closer, pressing their lips together. 

Kon smiled bank, returning the gesture in the moment of Tim’s utter desperation. He secured his hands stably at the delicate boy’s hips. He could feel a matching pair of thinner arms snake up his neck, pulling him closer with one hand in his hair and the other just scraping his neck. 

The scene was rather chilling. Who knew where Tim’s mind was at now, drowned far into his sorrows of imagination and lost in the pure oblivion. 

In reality, it was all so sad, truly. It was heartbreaking because the boy longed for love. He yearned for everyone he had lost and everything he was unable to have. 

So in other terms, it was quite beautiful. Just a boy, left in an empty and spacious room surrounded by only what his mind could conjure up for the next few hours. 

He was indeed a fool. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading!! Sorry it took so long to update, I honestly don’t really know how many people were checking up or act liked this story but if you do thank you for reading you’re absolute angels <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!! This will probably just be a few chapter fic, probably two at the least or four or five at the most. So I hope you liked it!! Stay tuned if you did :))
> 
> Tumblr: Klariwitch


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